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2034 Olympics: Foot Race
Six Lasers - Pequod Oceanside Town - Space Arrrr! The Pequod oceanside town of Gottlieb is easily the most alien place in the system. Although not large, Gottlieb also serves as the planet's capital. A large, vaguely pyramid shaped city full of technological wonders floats fifteen metres above Pequod's mercury seas. The city heavily relies on fishing for the exotic alien life forms that live in the planet-spanning oceans, as well as the tourism that all Six Lasers planets benefit from. Massive hunting ships, both naval and hover in origin, coexist next to water theme parks. While the mercury-based seas aren't safe for most people to swim in, the water parks are good, clean, wholesome fun for the whole family. As the only planet in the system with any non-entertainment based industry, Pequod is something of a black sheep of the family. Longshoreman, sailors, pirates, and fishers all live here. Local legend even tells of an elusive water monster known as a Klud, supposedly the last of its race. The reward for the monster's destruction, as issued by the local Pequod government, is listed as 10,000 Drax. Pequod, the "Ocean" planet! Surely, one may think, this would be an utterly terrible place to have a race! As it turns out, yes it is, but Six Lasers Entertainment has come through and arranged a racetrack on a chain of small islands! Yes, rickety wooden bridges with no railings have been set up between the islands, held up by pontoons. In the middle of this racetrack is a pirate ship... with the Six Lasers logo?... "A-har maties, maties," declares... Captain Shrapnel!? Yes, Shrapnel is apparently the pirate captain of this vessel, judging from his Captain's hat. Bombshell, evidently his first mate, stands beside him, wearing a handkerchief awkardly around his head. "*sigh* This here be the Pirate-iest race there ever be be," Shrapnel continues, "And I, Captain Shrapnel, am here to be the referee and security security!" He looks rather non-plussed. "Take yer positions, maties maties!" In case you're wondering, the Insectipirate ship is manned by Insecticlones. Barkida is relieved that this time the contest isn't somewhere inimicable to normal life forms, like a pit of molten sulphur or something. As she cinches the long straps of her sandals she's actually relieved to see a Quintesson - a Quintesson she recognizes, no less. At least he's partly (mostly?) alive. Combat: Barkida sets her defense level to Guarded. The starting position is on one of the islands, marked by a simple white line painted into the sand, by the way. Staggering in, Fusillade frowns deeply as she gets corralled by game coordinators to the racetrack. "Really?" she asks, staring pointedly at the line. However, she struts down the cobblestone street along the whaling planet's oceanfront before it turns to sand. She stares even more at the field. "REALLY REALLY?" She ahrms into one fist, before kicking her heels against the ground as she paces. A whippet-like humanoid outfitted in a track suit coated in sponsor patches wanders over, sniffing about her knees, and she scuffs a foot in its direction to send it skittering away. She toes one of the pontoon floats. "Fantastic." [ Racetrack Attack! ] Racer Pos Lap Defense-Level ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Barkida 0 0 GUARDED -- Fusillade 0 0 NEUTRAL -- Apocryphacius 0 0 NEUTRAL -- + Racer within ramming distance -> You! [ Sorted by Leadership ] Apocryphacius is alive! ...for now. He looks around the race and seems... relatively relieved. Okay, so, Fusillade, one of the Aces, but a known entity, Barkida, who can beta him up but is nice about it and... Insecticons. He frowns rather deeply. Archaeonix's work? Oh well, no Autobots here! Fusillade stares pointedly at the boat, and mouths something about Kickback and Torque. "Yaaarrrrrrr," sighs Captain Shrapnel as he waves about a cutlass. "On your marks, racers! And... wait, do you just say that for car races races? Or do they say that for foot races--" "GO!" First Mate Bombshell yells at the racers, annoyed. He fires a shot at them, even, though the shot seems to land the furthest away from Apocryphacius. "--races," Shrapnel finishes. "What are we even doing here, Shrapnel?" Bombshell mutters miserably. "Eheh," Shrapnel mutters, "Watch where you say such things, Bombshell Bombshell!" He glances about nervously. Race: The racers speed around the track, and the scoreboard lights up with the new race standings... [ Racetrack Attack! ] Racer Pos Lap Defense-Level ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Apocryphacius 5 0 NEUTRAL -- Barkida 6 0 GUARDED -- +Fusillade 7 0 NEUTRAL -- + Racer within ramming distance -> You! [ Sorted by Track Position ] Apocryphacius is jumpy at the sound of the shot, nonetheless, even if it lands a far way away from him. He waves a tentacle and call to Fusillade, "Did you misplace your Insecticons?" It's probably a bad idea to just ask her like that. She'll probably lie WHILE making fun of him, but... at the same time, why not ask? Fusillade clonks awkwardly with her thrusters during her first few strides, but quickly settles in the pace. "Springy!" she reports, before tilting her head at the question from the EDC's Quintesson. "Luckily they're not MY problem! And of course I didn't misplace them, they're right there!" She jogs ahead, leaning foward to gain more traction and speed. Combat: Fusillade sets her defense level to Aggressive. "The feeeemale is in the lead, the lead!" Captain Shrapnel announces. "But beware, the racetrack is unstable unstable!" And he's right--the bridges, held up by the buoyancy of the pontoons, make for a very wobbly track even for the best racer! "Shrapnel, look over there!" Bombshell cries, pointing in the distance. "Another pirate ship!?" Shrapnel says, squinting at the rival pirate ship in the distance. "But he assured us that they'd driven away the sight of another pirate ship!" "He fooled us!" Bombshell says, as the distant ship begins firing at them. "He knew it would draw in RIVALS! Open fire!" And the Insectipirate ship fires back, and it so happens that the racers may get caught in the crossfire! Race: The racers speed around the track, and the scoreboard lights up with the new race standings... [ Racetrack Attack! ] Racer Pos Lap Defense-Level ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Barkida 2 1 GUARDED -- Fusillade 5 1 AGGRESSIVE -- +Apocryphacius 9 0 NEUTRAL -- + Racer within ramming distance -> You! [ Sorted by Track Position ] "What?! Oh Primus, GEEZE" Fusillade exclaims as she gets pelted with splinter shrapnel, throwing up her arms to cover her head as if it would do any good. She hunches shoulders and scurries through very wobbily, skidding briefly on a slimy chunk of space-kelp strewn across the wooden pathway. Combat: Fusillade sets her defense level to Guarded. Apocryphacius remarks aloud, "I have to wonder who they're talking about..." Who is /he/? He bails to the side of the track, dangling off the side, when some shots come flying his way. Then he pulls himself back up to continue... hovering along. Barkida springs off the line, conserving her speed at first to get some sense of what the hazards are. Apparently the hazards are... cannons?! She should've guessed it would be something. On top of the track being made of pontoon bridges, even. Combat: Barkida sets her defense level to Aggressive. Sadly the Insectipirate ship was really only built for show, and never meant for combat! It gets shredded pretty badly by the 'real' pirate ship and Insecticlones are sent flying with every shot. "We're doomed!" Bombshell cries. "But Fusillade does not share our fate, it seems, as she is still in the lead!" "We are not doomed!" Shrapnel says, holding up a pan flute. "He told us that if we get in trouble, we can blow this and help will arrive arrive!" "But what if it's another trick?" Bombshell says. "We have no choice choice!" Shrapnel says, and plays a little tune on the flute. It sounds pretty sweet. Shrapnel and Bombshell exchange a glance as nothing happens, aside from their ship disintegrating into splinters around them. Then... the ocean stirs, and powerful waves threaten to knock the racers off of the track! "...uh oh." Race: The racers speed around the track, and the scoreboard lights up with the new race standings... [ Racetrack Attack! ] Racer Pos Lap Defense-Level ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Apocryphacius 5 1 NEUTRAL -- +Barkida 8 1 AGGRESSIVE -- +Fusillade 9 1 GUARDED -- + Racer within ramming distance -> You! [ Sorted by Leadership ] The whippet racer perks ears, and then leaps into the ocean, doggie paddling toward the fluting of the panpipe and the scuttled Insecticons! The rhythmic THUNK THUNK THUNK of feet striking wood comes up behind her, and she hisses softly at the Femaxian gaining on her. Whatever insult was on her lips is wiped away by a tremendous SLOSH! of waves, and she sets into the brine with one shoulder and a grunt, trying to reduce her profile to avoid being swept away! Combat: Fusillade sets her defense level to Neutral. Apocryphacius is buffeted around on the pontoon bridges by the waves. Somewhat saltier, he remarks, "Note to self: Shrapnel is an accomplished flautist." Hmmm, maybe he could just ask the Insecticons why they're here? That might be too obvious... <'EDC'> Apocryphacius says, "Note to self: Shrapnel is an accomplished flautist." Barkida seizes onto a dangling line (Dangling from what? Perhaps some sort of racetrack rigging.) and swings up and over one of the track segments as it is washed away by the sea surge! Holding fast to the line, she's swinging in close behind Fusillade. The two Insecticons cheer as the rival pirate ship suddenly capsizes, but the cheer quickly turns to horrified gasps as they see why! "We WERE tricked!" Bombshell yells. "Look, we have summoned the KLUD!" He points at the whale beast as it emerges from beneath the surface of the ocean, raising its head up to release an "UWWUUUUURRRR!" "WE'RE DOOMED DOOMED!" Shrapnel cries, falling to his knees. "...though Fusillade is still in the lead, but Barkida is catching up catching up!" Neither of them notice the whippet. The waves increase in intensity! Race: The racers speed around the track, and the scoreboard lights up with the new race standings... [ Racetrack Attack! ] Racer Pos Lap Defense-Level ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Apocryphacius 0 2 NEUTRAL -- Barkida 5 2 AGGRESSIVE -- Fusillade 6 2 NEUTRAL -- + Racer within ramming distance -> You! [ Sorted by Leadership ] Barkida swings onto the back of the Great Klud as it cruises destructively through the track, which was fortunate in a sense because she was rapidly running out of line as it was. Will the Klud carry her to victory? Combat: Barkida sets her defense level to Fearless. Apocryphacius is rather struck by the Klud. It's the sort of thing that... feels vaguely familiar to him in some kind of atavistic way, some backwards part of him that dreams of pink oceans with mechanical octopi. Destroying the track, though... he puts on some hustle. Combat: Apocryphacius sets his defense level to Aggressive. A shrill keen of glee erupts from Fusillade as she nearly STOPs to point. "OHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh LOOK!!!!!" She claps her hands as the creature breaches. "Look at him go! Hey, WAITASECOND!" she shouts at Barkida. "Totally not cool! I wanna do that!" she takes a running leap off the track in an attempt to tackle the Femaxian and her deltoids off the astro-barnacle encrusted creature's prow. Combat: Fusillade strikes Barkida with her Ram attack! "We must run away!" Bombshell cries as the Klud advances on them. "We can't can't!" Shrapnel says as the Klud approaches them, unintentionally becoming part of the track. "Though Fusillade remains in the lead, and even attacked her rival to prevent her from getting ahead ahead! I like her style style, and would like it more if we were not about to die die!" The Klud continues to ravage the track! Race: The racers speed around the track, and the scoreboard lights up with the new race standings... Barkida tumbles off the side of the Klud but saves herself (and Fusillade, if she didn't remember she can fly (which often happns to Decepticons)) by grabbing onto one of its pectoral fins as it rolls and trying to squeeze Fusillade between her thighs! "You are a hazard, machine-woman!" Combat: Barkida sets her defense level to Guarded. Or would have if Fusillade wasn't so quick! There she goes already. They have to run across the Klud, now? Apocryphacius is not sure how he feels about that, but... just do it, right? First Aid would tell him to just do it. He just keeps running! Hovering. Fusillade totally gets distracted by clinging to the Klud!!!! "SUCK IT!" she gargles through the murk as she releases her grip, slipstreaming back and latching onto its fluke. "Hey! This thing's tailfins are fatter than MINE!" She doesn't even bother to attempt to move in the general direction indicated on the track. Combat: Fusillade sets her defense level to Protected. [ Racetrack Attack! ] Racer Pos Lap Defense-Level ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Barkida 5 2 GUARDED -- +Apocryphacius 7 2 AGGRESSIVE -- +Fusillade 9 2 PROTECTED -- + Racer within ramming distance -> You! [ Sorted by Leadership ] The Klud bumps into an island in the way, and its advance upon the Insectipirate ship is briefly halted! "Phew, close one one!" Shrapnel says, taking his pirate hat off to wipe his brow, even though he can't sweat. "Fusillade bit and scratched her way to the top, though now the only question is, where is the track? WHAT is the track? Who even knows! I'm supposed to be the referee, and I don't even know know!" Race: The racers speed around the track, and the scoreboard lights up with the new race standings... [ Racetrack Attack! ] Racer Pos Lap Defense-Level ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ +Fusillade 9 2 PROTECTED -- Barkida 0 3 GUARDED -- Apocryphacius 4 3 AGGRESSIVE -- + Racer within ramming distance -> You! [ Sorted by Leadership ] Fusillade regrettably gets rolled over by the Klud. She is out of the race. :( Barkida manages to slide off the Klud into a passing boat and rows to victory with her amazing delts and lats! "We have survived survived!" Shrapnel exclaims. "A good day for the most part part!" "No, it is not a good day at all!" Bombshell yells, cringing as the Klud literally shoves aside the island in its path and proceeds to collide with their ship demolishing it! "AHHHHGH!" the Insecticons scream as their ship is demolished, and they fall into the depths. Apocryphacius sort of gets distracted watching the shipwreck. "...should I try to go help them? But I am in a race... but I do have medical skills... but they are /Insecticons/... and I should respect their proud cultureal heritage?' His faces swap back and forth rapidly as he argues with himself. It is clear he is not going anywhere fast. Barkida's little boat bobs around in the wild, crashing waves, and she hangs on as best she can! Not that she can't swim, of course, but who knows what else is in the water, and she's already reached her limit for shark knifing. When the Klud crashes into the island, however, that's it- the boat capsizes and she springs into the water to swim for it! Combat: Barkida sets her defense level to Fearless. Race: The racers speed around the track, and the scoreboard lights up with the new race standings... [ Racetrack Attack! ] Racer Pos Lap Defense-Level ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Apocryphacius 0 4 NEUTRAL -- +Barkida 8 3 FEARLESS -- +Fusillade 9 2 PROTECTED -- + Racer within ramming distance -> You! [ Sorted by Track Position ] And with a single backwards stroke of its starboard fin, the Klud pushes the entire island on which the finish line was painted right up to Apocryphacius, handing him an easy win! Shrapnel's head emerges from the water. "And the winner is... the Quintesson Quintesson!?" "He won a foot race without any feet!" Bombshell exclaims as he too emerges! "Quintessons always win win!" Shrapnel says, though a bit of doubt crosses his features for a brief instant. Or maybe that was the Death Crab crawling across his face. "AAGH!" he shrieks, trying to pull it off before it gets his face. "And Barkida is in second and Fusillade in last place AAAGH!" Barkida eventually makes it to shore, and congratulates the Quintesson! She intercepts the Insecticon drone bringing up the golden laurel wreath and takes it from him to crown him properly on his big weird egg-like dome. "Ecce lolligo!" she cries forth to the crowd, surprisingly pleased at Apocryphacius' win. Maybe she's just happy it's not a Transformer? Or, no, it's probably that they fought alongside one another in the past. That makes a big difference to Femaxians. Apocryphacius is completely shocked by his win! He looks very stunned, tentacles hanging limp. "...er. I would like to thank Gen..." He pauses and ahems. "...General Marissa Faireborn, of course. Yes. Her." His optics narrows, and he sort of nod-bobs to Barkida. "And thank you, too." She probably should have won, if not for Decepticon machinations? Yeah.